Banks

I have been taking a lot of flack for my stance on banks (I assume this is coming from banks scared of people like myself). Here is my take on banks, just so everyone is clear on where I stand. Banks are out to make money on your money. Fuck that. Take your paychecks, cash them at your local liquor store or pawn shop, and make that money work for you. Or at the very least, keep that money to yourself. But how you ask do you make that money work for you? Well you invest in things that will only hold their value. Currently I am stockpiling liquor. Liquor doesn’t go bad, and at some point the way things are going, it will be in high demand, hence making me wealthy. Find your own way to invest your money. For instance I also invest in squirrels. I breed them, raise them, then harvest their fur and meat for counterfeit uses. Clothing production companies located overseas love squirrel fur because it is very similar to mink, but comes at fraction of the cost. Schools love the meat because it can passed off as chicken for nuggets, but again, at mere fraction of the cost of chicken meat. My squirrel farm is a gold mine. But how do you keep your money safe you ask? Guns. And dogs. I also have a fucking insane chimpanzee living in my house that keeps things safe as well. To be honest the chimpanzee was probably a bad idea. He is pretty unstable, my house is routinely trashed, there is so much feces on the wall I just started calling it art at this point. Currently I can keep him in my good graces by keeping him hooked on nicotine. Which is also problematic for reasons I won’t expound on here, but coming back around, my house and my money is safe (markedly safer than myself if I am being honest). Another question I get a lot is about credit. Fuck credit. I have cash. Need to buy a house? Use cash. Need to buy a car? Use cash. Need a credit score to rent an apartment? Fuck that. Show the landlord cash, and that “needed” credit score all of a sudden becomes negotiable. Credit scores are only needed if you need to borrow money. I am beyond that. And so to can you.